


On a Paper Airplane

by kumjongin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:05:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11472612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumjongin/pseuds/kumjongin
Summary: Over the course of two weeks, Sehun flies paper airplanes onto Jongin's desk. What Jongin doesn't know is that the airplanes are actually love notes.





	On a Paper Airplane

**Author's Note:**

> warning: Junmyeon/Jongin but it's very, very mild. Sehun has a very dark past that's referenced - there's few explicit mentions of what happened but it's heavily implied and suggested.

The cool night air sent a faint shiver rippling through Jongin. His fingers clenched at the chain of the swing, the cold metal not exactly helping with the chill in the air. “What’s up? It’s freezing,” he half-whined, glancing to the swing next to him, Sehun’s lithe frame twisting in the seat, gaze pointed downward.

Sehun shrugged a shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep. I kept having those dreams again,” he said, voice faint, “Sorry...I guess I shouldn’t have dragged you out here with me.”

Jongin turned his gaze onto his friend, and he reached out to lightly rest a hand against Sehun’s, a gesture of comfort. “Sehun, you know I don’t mind,” he assured him, “Was it...your dad again?” It wasn’t all that uncommon for Sehun to text him in the middle of the night, just because he couldn’t sleep or he had something on his mind that he couldn’t push out.

He nodded. “Yeah. You know, it’s like...he’s gone. He won’t be out for a long time, but he still won’t stop bothering me,” he snorted.

Although Sehun tended to make jokes about the situation - as he did everything else - Jongin knew that his dad bothered him even more than he ever really showed. Even he didn’t know all the details of why Sehun’s dad was in prison, only that it had something to do with hurting Sehun and his mom back a while ago. It wasn’t really something that the other liked to talk about. And Jongin didn’t even know how to begin to ask.

“Have you...thought about maybe seeing him? Going for a visit sometime? Or do you think that would do more damage? I could come with you,” he offered, his voice soft and gentle. He didn’t know what might help - he never did - just that he had to try and be there. Sehun didn’t ask for things in the most obvious of ways, he asked for things in a roundabout way. Like asking him to come to the swings instead of saying he needed to talk.

Sehun hummed quietly, as though maybe he was considering the offer. “I don’t think so. It’s too...weird. It brings up…” he trailed off, but he didn’t seem like he was going to offer more, his lips pressing into a thin line.

-

_Jongin,_

_Remember the first time we met? We were in school, and we were the kids who didn’t want to participate in gym class. Me because I suck at sports and I didn’t want to embarrass myself. You said, at the time, that you had a stomachache. You later told me it’s because you were scared of the other kids._

_I didn’t need to be scared of the other kids because I already had enough to be afraid of. I know you won’t open these letters, won’t look at these airplanes, and why should you? But maybe this is the only way I can be honest with the way things really are. You know my dad’s gone, you know a little bit about why. It was a nightmare. Who needed a monster under my bed when I had a monster right down the hall?_

_You saved me from a lot of that. You didn’t know it, of course, and that’s okay. But you were the reason I could be out of that house. You were the excuse I used to get away from it all. I began to fall then._

_Sehun_

-

The first paper airplane fell onto his desk the next day, and Jongin’s lips twitched into a slight hint of a smile. His writing paused on the notes he had been taking, the professor still droning on about 18th century literature. He glanced behind him, where Sehun smirked faintly at him from his seat. “Pay attention,” Sehun mouthed at him, as though he was the studious one of the two.

Jongin shook his head, and swept the paper airplane off of his desk and to the side. He didn’t think much of it, only now trying to think of a way that he could find out the minute of notes he’d just missed.

College had never been the most important thing to Sehun, where it had been everything to Jongin. Sehun always walked around in this air of aloof cool that Jongin could hardly penetrate himself, much less anyone else. Jongin never understood how he managed to pull it off. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and that’s how he always managed to get wounded from small little encounters. He was too sensitive.

When class ended, Jongin scooped his things into his bookbag, having forgotten about the paper airplane, and turned to wait for Sehun. Most of their classes they didn’t have together, being in different majors, but they always found ways to spend more time together after having been inseparable for years.

Sehun sidled up to him, his bag slung over his shoulder. “This class sucks,” he grumbled easily.

Jongin rolled his eyes, but he was more amused than annoyed, “Come on, I’ll buy you a coffee.” As they walked out of the classroom, there was a sudden heavy arm resting on Jongin’s shoulder. He glanced over, and was met with the grinning face of Chanyeol.

“You made it to class,” Sehun snorted his greeted.

Chanyeol shrugged, arm lifting off of Jongin. “I mean I made the second half. That counts for something,” he joked, one eye closing a little more than the other as he laughed.

Jongin let out a quiet laugh. “You’re hopeless. Where’s Baekhyun?” he asked, referencing the other’s boyfriend of nearly a year. Usually the smaller boy would be walking with them after meeting up with them after class, and joking along.

“Yeah, he had to stay behind for a group project,” he said, “Which is lame. He said he’ll try and meet up with me later on.”

Originally, Sehun and Chanyeol had been the ones to become friends. Back in freshman year, they’d met at some party and Jongin ended up introduced to the loud student who was quickly affectionate, but always proved amusing. As they sidled up into the campus coffee shop, all of them with their respective drinks, Chanyeol glanced between the two. “So? It’s only Monday, boys, what are we doing tonight?” he asked loudly.

“No plans with Baek?” Sehun questioned, arching a brow over his iced coffee.

Chanyeol shrugged. “Undecided yet. I figured I’d weigh my options first.”

“Wow, I feel almost flattered. Making time to even hear our plans,” Sehun deadpanned.

Jongin let out a quiet laugh. “I don’t...think we had any plans?” he said, glancing toward his friend. Sehun agreed with a noncommittal shrug.

Chanyeol’s lips tilted in displeasure. “We could get hammered. Or...I guess I could just fuck Baekhyun.”

“Gross,” Jongin’s nose wrinkled at the thought. He hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep with having met up with Sehun in the middle of the night, and he couldn’t stifle a yawn, leaning so his head rested on Sehun’s shoulder.

“Whatever. Have you two finally...you know,” Chanyeol gestured in a way that Jongin really didn’t want to decipher.

A napkin got tossed toward Chanyeol’s lap, “What the fuck? Of course not,” Sehun grumbled, his usual glare falling onto the other.

While Jongin expected a similar sort of response, something in the indignation in Sehun’s voice stung just the tiniest bit for reasons he didn’t want to acknowledge. It was far from the first time that anyone had suggested he and Sehun were more than just friends, it was a bit of a common joke with Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Mostly, Jongin had long accepted it as a fleeting sort of teasing between friends, and he and Sehun would simply roll their eyes and move on. They were close friends, that was all.

-

_Jongin,_

_Do you remember that day of our senior year...when you told me what colleges you were thinking of applying for? None of them were close by. I panicked. You’d always been the nerd, studying in the middle of a party I had to drag you to or reading some comic book no one else liked. I wasn’t that, I never had been._

_That’s why I asked you to start helping me out more in classes. So I could have a chance at getting into at least one of the schools you might aim for. It sounds really pathetic, I guess, but I could never really bare the thought of you leaving me behind. What would I do without you?_

_When we got into one of the same schools, I was still scared you’d pick one of the better ones. You deserved to go to the best, you should have gone to something better. But when I suggested we could go to the same school, you’d jumped at the chance and settled for a lesser school. Was it selfish of me to ask? Completely. I shouldn’t be the one to determine where you go and I shouldn’t have been so scared of losing you. But I got to keep you for a while more. And I know I pretended like I didn’t care one way or another...I think we both know that’s not true._

_I always wondered why you came with me._

_Sehun_

-

Jongin let out a quiet sigh as he leaned against the wall, observing Chanyeol and some other student he hardly knew engaged in a very loud game of beer pong. A cup was settled in his hand, but he hardly touched the toxic mixture of cheap vodka and off-brand soda that swirled in it. It wasn’t really his idea to come out to some dumb party like this - it almost never was - but Sehun finally wore him down into agreement even after he’d distracted him in class with another paper plane. However, just like always, Sehun was nowhere to be found.

“Jonginnie, don’t look so sour,” Baekhyun chimed as he sidled up to Jongin’s side, his tone teasing and a little slurred from the unknown amounts of alcohol he’d already consumed.

“Don’t call me that,” he grumbled. Baekhyun knew he hated that unless it was from his mom, but he always did it to annoy him. “I’m not sour, though. Sorry, I just...don’t like these things.”

Baekhyun grinned, “Then why do you always show up?”

“Sehun.”

“Hm...you and Sehun are so cute together,” he said, leaning his head to rest on Jongin’s shoulder.

“Don’t start…” Jongin warned, sensing another strange ploy to try and get them together. It wasn’t as though Baekhyun or Chanyeol had ever been exactly subtle. “Who is Chanyeol playing against?” he asked instead, sensing a change in topic might help distract him from that conversation.

Baekhyun gave him a look, but only hummed a little. “Jongdae. He’s a chem major. Why? Do you think he’s cute?”

Whenever Baekhyun was around, he seemed to try and get Jongin a date. He couldn’t explain why that was, when he’d never expressed any interest in needing to find someone. Sehun was, of course, always Baekhyun’s first choice, but when Jongin shut that down he always moved onto someone else. “Just curious. He’s fine, not really my type, though,” he shrugged. Jongdae was attractive in an almost feline-sense; attractive enough, but he didn’t do anything for him.

“He’s straight anyway. But what is your type? You always shoot me down on everyone I ask you about. Am I attractive?” Baekhyun asked, looking up just to flutter his eyelashes playfully.

Jongin rolled his eyes. “You know you’re attractive, Baekhyun. But the thought of being with you is way gross...no offense.”

Baekhyun let out a little grunt of displeasure, but didn’t seem all too bothered. “If Chanyeol wasn’t...well, Chanyeol?”

“Why do you care so much?” he asked with a little laugh in his voice. It was a little embarrassing.

“I know, I know, you only really deal with me because I’m with Chanyeol, but I still do really like you, Jongin. I just want you to be happy.”

Jongin’s eyes widened a little, and he parted his lips to say something - to assure Baekhyun that he didn’t merely ‘deal’ with him due to Chanyeol, but Baekhyun was already gone, going to congratulate Chanyeol on winning against Jongdae. He frowned a little, taking a small drink of the foul liquid, wincing immediately.

A while passed where Jongin simply remained where he was, watching everyone else interact and laugh together - with most of them becoming increasingly more drunk as time went by. He considered that he should probably just leave, given he really wasn’t invested in most of these college parties anyway.

But as he pushed away from the wall, still with the same cup of now warm alcohol, Sehun appeared and began to walk toward him. “Having fun?” he asked.

Jongin shrugged, remaining where he was. “I was thinking of heading back to my dorm,” he admitted.

“Why?” Sehun’s head tilted slightly to the side. He didn’t seem too drunk at the moment.

“I don’t know. Why stay?” he asked simply. He always came for Sehun’s sake, and then Sehun always ended up running off doing who knew what. It wasn’t that it bothered him that Sehun was having fun, of course he wanted him to enjoy himself, he just didn’t know why it was important for Sehun to have Jongin come along when they almost never interacted at parties.

“No one you want to...I don’t know, talk to or hook up with? We’re in college, isn’t that at least half the point?”

“You’re as bad as Baekhyun,” Jongin said with a snort, but his tone was amused more than offended. It was far from the first time that Sehun had tried to convince him to live a little, he’d been trying to persuade him since high school. “You know I’m not that type.”

“Such a prude. Give me a couple minutes and I’ll walk with you?”

Jongin nodded, and went in search of his jacket while Sehun did...whatever he needed to do. Maybe say goodbye to people? As long as they had been friends, Jongin had never quite understood certain things about the other. Namely why someone as cool as Sehun - or at least who was seen as being cool - hung around with someone like him. He’d seen the many ways he was sometimes insecure and just as lame as he was, but nobody else ever got to see that side of him.

He met back up with his friend as he was talking to some guy Jongin didn’t know. He offered a polite sort of smile until Sehun glanced over and noticed him.

“Oh, Jongin, this is Junmyeon,” he introduced the other to him. “He’s technically my RA, but he and I are good friends.” The joke was met with him reaching out to tussle Junmyeon’s hair, his hand being slapped away a moment later.

Jongin wondered briefly what kind of...good friends they actually were. But he supposed it wasn’t much his business, and merely let out a soft laugh. “Nice to meet you.”

“You’re right, he is sweet,” Junmyeon said, an eyebrow raising just slightly as he looked at Jongin.

He glanced between them, wondering why Sehun had apparently mentioned him to his RA, a faint warmth coming to his cheeks that he knew would dust them a faint color of pink. “What?”

“Nothing,” Sehun glared toward Junmyeon, and his hand reached out to grab Jongin’s wrist. Almost protectively. “Sorry, Junmyeon, see you around.”

Jongin frowned slightly more at the abrupt departure, but only followed after Sehun with a quick, polite wave toward Junmyeon. “Why are you suddenly the one in a hurry to leave?” he asked.

“I’m not...I just know you wanted to leave,” Sehun shrugged, but didn’t meet Jongin’s look. “I think he wants to ask you out though.”

“Junmyeon?”

“Who else?”

“Why do you think that?” He hadn’t gotten that impression, but then Jongin was actually terrible with figuring out when people were trying to flirt with him. On a few occasions, he didn’t know at all until Sehun mentioned it to him. Not that it happened very often.

“Just...the way he looked at you. If you want to go out with him, go ahead,” he shrugged, finally releasing Jongin’s wrist.

He almost missed the warmth of his hand. They didn’t really discuss the RA on the way back to the dorms, with Jongin just throwing out a noncommittal “we’ll see.” They lived in separate buildings, but when Sehun asked if Jongin wanted to come up with the promise of leftover pizza, he agreed.

Sehun’s roommate - a quiet boy named Yixing - was still out when they stepped into the room. It wasn’t that uncommon, he was always off somewhere or another according to Sehun, who really didn’t have much to say about him other than he was a little strange. As Sehun began to reheat the pizza in the microwave, Jongin walked the few steps around the rather cluttered room. He paused at Sehun’s desk, seeing what appeared to be a letter - or maybe a handwritten essay?

_-I never knew what love was-_

“-Jongin? What are you doing?” Sehun broke in.

Jongin glanced away from the note, a little curious and a little surprised at what he could only imagine the rest of the content could be. An essay on love? A creative writing class? A love note? “Nothing…”

Sehun glanced to the desk, and for a moment he almost looked a little paler than normal. “Um, here,” he said and handed Jongin a paper plate.

He almost never saw his friend stumble over his words like that, but he didn’t say anything about it, only took the offered food and went to sit on his bed, where Sehun pressed play on a movie.

-

_Jongin,_

_I guess I’ve never told you much about my family. I know you saw a few weird things from time to time, but you were always too nice to say much about it. Most people probably wouldn’t understand it all since we’ve known each other so long...how you couldn’t have noticed. But I always hid it so carefully. I never invited you to my house...and I guess you know a little bit about why. You could easily look it up and find too many awful details...but I don’t know if you would do that._

_My dad was really messed up. He was a monster who hurt both me and my mom a lot. But that was my view of a relationship. That’s why I never knew what love was, not until you. I never realized it could be good and kind and strong. Even if...I’m too scared to say it...but even if we can only be friends, you’ve still shown me a world that I was too afraid to acknowledge, too damaged to see._

_Do you remember that day? Back in our sophomore year. We were at your house and I had to borrow one of your shirts because it was raining and I didn’t want to go home. I had bruises all over my back, and you walked in as I was changing. I didn’t expect you to see. You started to panic, and I told you I’d just fallen. I know you didn’t believe me, I can always see it in your eyes when you’re lying. But you just hugged me. I never got many hugs. I think that was the first time I truly realized that I loved you._

_Sehun_

-

Jongin’s brow furrowed in confusion as the lesson droned on. It wasn’t as though he was struggling with the actual material - he had always been good with literature - but the professor always tried to make a point of something that often left him a little blank. There was salvage in the fact that no one else really seemed to know what some of his points were about either, so Jongin only tried to write down what he could and would hopefully understand it later.

The professor posed a question, and Jongin hunched down a little in his seat to avoid potentially being called on. Only just then, came floating down another paper airplane, right on his desk. He turned to semi-glare at Sehun, only just as he did he heard his name being called. “Um...yes?” he asked, glancing to the professor, his eyes a little wide.

“What is the answer to the question I just asked?” he asked, tone a bit put out.

“...was that the one about the war?”

“That was the question previous. Might I suggest paying attention next time, Jongin,” he chided, before moving onto someone else.

Jongin let out a sigh of irritation, turning to frown at Sehun. The other held his usual blank expression, though the corner of his lips lifted faintly. Rolling his eyes, Jongin swept the paper into his bag to join the other two.

-

“I’m gonna destroy you,” Sehun said quietly, his jaw clenched as he stared at the screen in front of them, fingers clutching at the paddle.

Jongin snorted, “You can try, I guess,” he taunted. They both had competitive streaks that they never really got to display in other areas - since most of their interests were so different - so when they played video games they were on an even playing field. And they both hated to lose.

“Fuck you,” Sehun grumbled, and the characters on the screen continued to lash against each other. Minutes passed in silence - save for a few frustrated grunts or groans out of either of them.

Just as Jongin was poised to win, however, there was the sudden sound of the door opening behind them, and Jongin jolted in place, turning to see who was at the door.

“You lose,” Sehun chimed, a little too smug before he turned as well. “Oh, hey Junmyeon. What’s going on?”

“Sorry, I knocked, but I don’t think you heard me,” he excused, “you had a package delivered, it’s down at the front desk.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll go grab that, then?” he said and stood swiftly.

Jongin glanced at him, offering a quick nod.

It was only a moment later that Sehun was out of the room, but Junmyeon remained lingering in the doorway. “Jongin? I was curious...would you want to go out with me sometime?”

His brows raised, and he stared at Junmyeon for a few minutes in silence. It wasn’t as though he was a complete social reject or anything, he had been on dates and had even had a boyfriend before. It was only one, but it counted. Still, it wasn’t as though he got asked out very often. “Oh...um, sure,” he said, though it came out a little more as a question than a solid statement. Junmyeon was attractive, that was undeniable, though Jongin couldn’t quite see why someone like him would want to go out with plain, boring Jongin. But he didn’t have much reason to say no.

When Sehun returned, Junmyeon had left, and Jongin told him about the unexpected development with the RA down the hall.

“Told you,” was all Sehun said, lifting a brow slightly.

-

_Jongin,_

_Maybe this is really cheesy...all of this is. But I want all of those disgusting moments with you. I want to hold your hand. I want to wake up to your smile. I want us to go out and introduce each other as boyfriends. Sorry, you’re not used to this side...I’m not either. It only happens when I think about you._

_You’re so beautiful and you never seem to see it. When you’re so absorbed in something and there’s that cute little frown on your face. The way you talk and your lips are permanently pouting and I always want to kiss that pout away. The way your hair falls into your eyes and I always want to just brush it back. That unguarded smile you have when something makes you so happy…I wish I could be the one to make you smile like that always._

_You make all the nightmares go away when I’m around you. I don’t think about darkness or monsters or everything that haunts me. Maybe that’s why I feel like I can’t let you go, I can’t be apart from you. But it’s more than that. It isn’t that I need you to get rid of my demons...but I guess the feelings I have for you have made that happen._

_I love you, Jongin. I always have._

_Sehun_

-

Jongin’s teeth worried against his bottom lip as he took his seat in the class. There were only a couple of minutes before the professor would be in, and a test was looming over all of them. He sighed, skimming over his notes again for a few moments. He missed seeing Sehun walking in, didn’t pay enough attention before the professor came and began to give instructions for the test.

As he was going over a portion of the test, however, there was a sudden light tap against his head. He turned, attention broken once again, and his gaze was met with another paper airplane fallen to the ground. He couldn’t explain why Sehun had been floating them to him for nearly two weeks now. He used to do that on occasion when they were back in their younger years, but it was kind of a funny habit to just suddenly pick back up. Paying no more mind, he simply stuffed it back into his bag, and tried to re-focus on the teacher - though much to his dismay, the tests were already being handed out.

-

As he crowded into the booth with Sehun, he let out another long sigh. “I don’t feel great about that…” he grumbled.

Sehun bumped him on the shoulder in a show of semi-support. “Hey, you always do just fine.”

“What’s the thing with the paper airplanes?”

There was a brief moment of almost surprise that flitted across Sehun’s expression, as though he hadn’t expected Jongin to say anything about them. “I like to distract little mister perfect-” he began, but whatever was coming next was cut off when Chanyeol and Baekhyun sidled their way into the booth with loud laughter.

-

_Jongin,_

_So...I think I have to do it. I have to tell you. I’ve never been more terrified than I am now. But if I never say anything, I’d keep questioning it forever. So all I can say is I hope this doesn’t ruin all the years of friendship we’ve built._

_I love you._

_I think I always have. I realize you might not feel the same way, so I’m going to try and make this as painless as it can possibly be. If you feel the same, or could even consider the possibility, you’ll know where to meet me. Tonight. I’ll wait until midnight. If you don’t...couldn’t, then come tomorrow I’ll never speak of it again. We can pretend it never happened._

_Sehun_

-

It was Friday, and Jongin was anxious about the prospect of his looming date with Junmyeon. Although he was assured that the other was nice, he didn’t really know much about him. So he couldn’t know exactly what to expect. What if he tried to make a move? He definitely wasn’t ready for anything like that with someone he didn’t know.

His teeth worried his bottom lip as he sat in class, fidgeting with his pen as he listened to the professor drone on a question Jongin had heard the answer to already. He glanced toward Sehun talking to another student in their class, and he observed as they tried to refrain from laughing. Sehun had always somehow been good with everyone, he’d been good at keeping people entertained and made them all want to be his friend. Jongin never understood how he managed that, given that he himself was too quiet and reserved to make many friends. Most of his friends over the years were the result of Sehun – he’d make friends with people and they just came around enough that Jongin sometimes became friends with them as well. Of course, it didn’t always work like that, there had been a number of times where he hadn’t actually gotten along with the other person or they’d thought he was too quiet or nerdy.

Though, as Jongin pondered those people, he realized Sehun usually ended up cutting some communication with them after a while. He doubted it was related, but it was still a little strange.

Just as he began to quickly scribble notes from the professor’s words – the topic moving back to an upcoming project – a familiar paper airplane glided its way onto his desk, right on top of his notebook. A faint smile rose to his lips this time, not as annoyed as he had been most of the other times. When he glanced back to Sehun, there was just the hint of a smirk on his lips before he gestured for Jongin to pay attention.

-

“What am I supposed to wear?” Jongin grumbled aloud.

His roommate, a serious-looking boy named Kyungsoo, glanced up from the book he was reading. They’d been paired together that year, and while Jongin was a little intimidated of him at first, they’d found common interests in loving to read and being a little too quiet for most people’s preference. “For what?” he asked.

“A date,” he said, though the word made him still feel a little flutter of nervousness. Not because he felt a particular attraction to Junmyeon or was excited, he was uncomfortable about the prospect.

While Kyungsoo looked momentarily surprised – judging by the faint lift to his eyebrows – he had the decency not to say anything. “Well, where are you going?”

“He didn’t say…” he shrugged.

“Oh. You said he’s a friend of Sehun’s, right? Maybe he gave him an idea,” he offered, and his attention quickly dropped back to the book. Clearly an end to that conversation.

Jongin sighed a little, and pulled out his phone to call his best friend. The grunted answer came after the first ring. “I need help,” Jongin whined.

“You need a lot of help,” Sehun joked, “But what with this time?”

“Shut up. I’m going out with Junmyeon tonight, right? I don’t know where we’re going. Or what I should wear. I don’t do this kind of thing,” he lamented, frowning at his closet. It was mostly containing simple t-shirts and jeans.

There was a prolonged silence on the other end – and Jongin almost thought the call had dropped – before Sehun hummed a little. “Don’t go tonight.”

He frowned. That’s certainly not something he expected to hear. “What? Why? Is something wrong?”

“No…just…” Sehun cleared his throat. Jongin wasn’t used to him sounding this uncomfortable. “Did you keep those airplanes I threw to you?”

Jongin blinked, confusion sweeping over him. What did that have to do with this? “Um, maybe? They might be in my bag because I didn’t want to leave them laying around. Why? Are you okay?”

“Just…read them. And don’t go.”

Before Jongin could actually say anything, however, the call went silent.

-

Although curiosity – and a healthy dose of concern – riddled Jongin with how that conversation had gone, he didn’t even have the chance to address it or look for the paper airplanes. Junmyeon texted him that he was going to come by and they could go together, so Jongin had to abandon the thought for the moment and get dressed in something that wasn’t a complete disaster.

Junmyeon took Jongin out to dinner at a diner that wasn’t far off of campus. It was somewhere a lot of students went for dates, which was a safe enough idea. But it only made Jongin think about the times he and Sehun would end up there mid-study break to eat french fries. Junmyeon asked about Jongin’s major, about his interests, and offered up similar information in return. And while Jongin could easily see that Junmyeon was nice – he was driven and smart and textbook-perfect – but his thoughts only kept turning to Sehun. About what he’d meant, about how their conversations had never been this boring or polite.

Near the end of the meal, Junmyeon piped in with, “So, there’s a local band playing not far from here. Want to check it out?”

Jongin offered a polite sort of smile. He knew that this wasn’t some spur-of-the-moment idea on the other’s part, and that it was intended to be part of the date. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t force himself to spend another couple of hours trying to be uncomfortably nice with this student he felt nothing with. “You know…I’m sorry. I’m…tomorrow’s a busy day, I should really go back…” it was a weak excuse, and given that it was the weekend it was a pretty blatant lie.

“Oh,” there was a look of surprise – and a little bewilderment – that fell on Junmyeon’s face. Jongin sort of doubted he got turned down very often. “Sure, do you want me to walk you back?”

From some of Sehun’s stories – since that’s where most of his vicarious experience came – he suspected that the offer was more of a ploy than a genuine gesture. He smiled, still feeling too polite. “It’s alright, I don’t want to…interrupt your night or anything.”

After a couple of awkward goodbyes and a quick “See you around,” Jongin quickly left the diner. He felt a little bit bad about doing that when he’d been the one to agree to a date in the first place, but it didn’t feel right. And he had to be honest with himself about that.

-

“Weren’t you on a date?” Kyungsoo asked as Jongin walked in the door, still in the same spot on his bed that he’d been in an hour ago.

“There wasn’t any connection. I couldn’t do it,” he explained, and immediately went in search of his bag. His hair was still dripping from the rain that had begun to pour down outside on his way back to the dorms, but he had to know what exactly paper airplanes could tell him that Sehun couldn’t. Should he be concerned? Should he have just looked for them before? “Where is it?” he asked, a little frantic as he rifled through the things in his closet. Normally his bag remained on the floor, but it didn’t seem to be there. And for some reason he felt a surge of panic.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat, and Jongin glanced over his shoulder at him. He was pointing to a familiar dark lump on his bed, and Jongin let out a soft sigh of relief.

He made quick work of emptying the contents of the bag onto his bed, seeing a couple of rumpled airplanes. He placed them to the side, trying to remember how many there were. He counted back, recalling Sehun’s faint smirks as Jongin got increasingly frustrated with their appearance and distraction. Five. The last one had happened on that day.

He counted the rumpled planes, only counting four. He sighed, flipping through books to see if it got caught in-between pages or some other discreet location. He hadn’t thrown any away, had he?

“If you’re looking for paper airplanes…I won’t ask why – one fell on the floor,” Kyungsoo chimed, gaze still fixated on his pages.

Jongin shot him a grateful sort of smile, and leaned down to grab the final piece of paper. He glanced at the planes in their various states of distress, and grabbed for the one that looked the oldest since it was the most disheveled. With a wary sort of sigh, he carefully unfolded the airplane, not sure what to expect inside. When it was a handwritten letter, the frown only increased, but he began to read through them.

When the last of the paper airplanes was folded out and set to the side, Jongin was left with shaking hands and a pounding heart. Why had Sehun never said anything? About any of what he’d just read. His mind swam with the words, with the sudden inflection of knowledge that his best friend had just dropped onto him. He loved him? How could he love him?

He took a shaky breath, hardly noticing Kyungsoo still in the room. How could he go to Sehun? Did he want to? That would change everything, judging by the letter that he hoped was the last one – otherwise he’d missed that deadline by far. But as he thought about it, it didn’t seem quite so shocking. With the way Sehun always made sure Jongin was okay, always cared for him before anyone else. Even if it was in the small ways that only Sehun seemed to be able to show.

But how did he feel? Sehun was his friend…and that was all, wasn’t it? That’s what he’d always thought, at least. Memories of the way Sehun’s hand felt against his skin brushed across his mind, of their shared jokes and the way he could so easily tell everything to the other when he wouldn’t let anyone else in. How Sehun shared with him the sides of himself that were so dark and secretive, and Jongin felt special to know them. It would be a lie to say he’d never thought about kissing Sehun once in awhile, but he’d always dismissed it as one of those strange thoughts that pop up for no reason. Maybe, he shouldn’t have.

“Kyungsoo, where would you go to find someone if they say you should already know where they’ll be?” he asked, breaking the silence for the first time in the solid hour it had taken him to process through everything.

To his credit, Kyungsoo only frowned a slight bit. “I would guess somewhere just the two of you knew about? Or somewhere…significant?”

At the words, it became embarrassingly obvious exactly where Sehun would be. “I’ve got to go, what time is it?” he asked, jumping up from the chaos of his bed.

“About 11 now.”

He shot his roommate a quick word of thanks before he was out the door. Sehun had said he would be waiting until midnight, but what if he got tired of waiting? Who could blame him? Jongin’s palms got a little sweatier with the thought, and he quickened his pace to head back to the one place that Sehun was always a little more honest with him than usual.

-

When Jongin first entered the park area, he didn’t immediately see Sehun. All he saw was the darkness and the shadows dappled with moonlight and stars that fell around the abandoned place like he’d seen so many times before. But usually Sehun was already by his side. His hands clenched as his eyes began to rove over the area, silently praying for the other to still be there.

Just when he was about to start searching, he made out the silhouette of a figure on the swings. The rain had mostly stopped, but was still misting down around them as Jongin approached the swings. He should have known. “Sehun?” he asked, his voice soft and a little unsure.

Sehun glanced up, his face unreadable. “You’re here…” he said. His damp hair was sticking to his forehead, and he looked tired.

Jongin wasn’t sure why this felt so much bigger than the both of them, why there was this thick air between them. “I…I read your letters.”

There was a twitch in Sehun’s jaw, and he glanced down again. “How was your date?”

Jongin had never quite seen this side of Sehun. He’d seen him as a broken young boy, he’d seen him as arrogant and the life of the party, he’d seen him as a hidden nerd when it was just the two of them. But he’d never seen him look this scared or this vulnerable, and that scared him a little bit. “I didn’t stay long. I kept thinking about what you said and…I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About how you and I were different…I don’t ever feel scared or bored when I talk to you. I don’t feel like I have to pretend,” he offered, taking a few steps closer.

Sehun’s gaze finally lifted to him again, searching his face as though they held the answers. “What does that mean? Why…why are you here?”

He blinked. “Didn’t you ask me to come here?”

“I did…but only if…” he paused, that surge of uncertainty returning.

“If,” Jongin said, a little bit teasing, and he finally stood in front of his friend.

Sehun swallowed thickly. “Are you sure?” he asked.

Throughout the years, Sehun had always been the one to be sure of everything. This was new, this pleading question written on his face. His lips tilted slightly in a hint of a smile, and he leaned down before he could second-guess himself, and his lips met Sehun’s. He’d always thought it was a cliché to consider that kissing someone could elicit some sort of spark, yet when their lips met Jongin could have sworn he felt a tingle of electricity.

It took a moment for Sehun to respond, but after a moment he reached out, his hand coming to find Jongin’s as he kissed him back. It was soft, and a little unsure at first. But it didn’t take very long for their kisses to become a little more urgent, for Sehun’s tongue to swipe over the seam of Jongin’s lips and for Jongin to allow him entrance into his mouth. They kissed for long minutes, but Jongin was the one to first pull back.

“Can we…go somewhere a little more comfortable?” he asked softly, his hand coming to softly caress Sehun’s cheek.

Sehun let out a quiet snort, some of his usual confidence returning now that Jongin hadn’t ran from him. “Sorry, I should have at least stood up,” he joked, but as he stood from the swing he pressed another kiss to Jongin’s cheek. “We can go to my room? Yixing’s not there. I’m not saying we should do anything, I just mean-“

Jongin pressed a finger to Sehun’s lips, “I know what you meant. But I might want ‘anything,’” he teased. Normally he wasn’t nearly this confident, but given how long he’d known Sehun and this sudden realization that he did, in fact, care for him far more than he’d expected, it felt right. He leaned in to brush his lips against Sehun’s ear, “I couldn’t be without you either,” he offered, referring to the question Sehun had asked in his letter - of why Jongin had so easily agreed to go to college with him when he’d been accepted to all the other schools he’d applied to.

-

Sehun pressed Jongin against the mattress, pinning his arms over his head as he trailed needy kisses along feverish skin. Jongin let out a whine, sounding needy and desperate already. If it had been anyone else, he would have been embarrassed that mere kisses could make him this riled up. But every time Sehun pulled him into another kiss, there was another surge of arousal that pulsed through him.

“Stop teasing,” he gasped, squirming underneath Sehun’s hold.

“You aren’t going to let me enjoy this, are you?” Sehun teased, a faint hint of amusement in his tone.

“You can enjoy it all you want some other time, right now I just really need you to do something else,” Jongin said, and hooked his legs over Sehun’s hips to pull him in closer so their hips were flush against each other.

Whatever smart remark was about to come from Sehun was cut off by the action, and instead a quiet moan filled the room. “I never could say no to you, could I?” he joked, but in the next moment he released Jongin’s hands and reached for the hem of his shirt.

It only took them a few stumbles to remove the clothes they had on, tossed aside and onto the floor. It wasn’t the first time they’d seen one another naked - they spent the nights in each other’s houses and had taken sports classes together for years. As Jongin kissed Sehun’s shoulders, he remembered the story he’d referenced about the night he’d seen how many bruises were dotted along Sehun’s pale skin. He’d been so scared for his friend at the time. His fingers traced along his spine, and he pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Maybe this is the wrong time...but I hope someday I can replace the memories of your scars with good memories,” he muses, fingers dancing a little along his skin. 

Sehun turned, staring at Jongin for a moment before a smile came to his face. “You're so cheesy and lame,” he teased, but leaned in and pressed their lips together again, soft and sweet. His arms twined around Jongin’s waist as he licked his way into his mouth, and Jongin melted into his touches as Sehun lead them to the bed.

They kept kissing even as Sehun settled between Jongin's thighs, his fingers tracing the cleft of his ass with fingers he'd slicked with lube. Jongin put a hand onto Sehun’s wrist, stopping him. “Will you still like me if I'm not good?” he asked. It wasn't that he thought Sehun was that type, necessarily, just that Jongin really didn't have nearly as much experience. 

His fingers paused, and he looked at Jongin for a long moment. “Jongin, I've loved you for this long. Nothing you could do would make me stop loving you,” he said, his expression still it's normal deadpan. “You even make me say disgusting things like that.”

Jongin let out a laugh, a tinge of embarrassment and elation pulling at him before he pulled Sehun in to kiss him again, quietly nudging him to continue. 

Sehun took his time fingering Jongin open. He kept drawing him into kisses that left Jongin gasping for air and rutting back onto the fingers. The fingers spread and curled and rubbed in areas that made his toes curl and drew whiny moans into the kisses they shared. 

By the time Sehun pulled his fingers from Jongin’s body, Jongin was practically begging. He was flushed with both arousal and embarrassment, but he couldn't seem to stop the sounds and whines that kept slipping out. 

Sehun pulled back to roll on the condom and coat his considerable length generously in lube, and Jongin took the moment to catch his breath. Everything was so fast and his mind was spinning, but all he could focus on was how much he wanted Sehun. Just a moment later, a kiss was pressed to his cheek and there was a soft “ready?” against his ear.

He nodded, and ran his fingers through Sehun's hair, pulling him in for another quick kiss as the other began to push inside of him. Jongin bit down on his lip harshly at the feeling, trying to relax so it would be easier for both of them. The flared head of his cock pushed past the tight ring of muscle, and he let out a shuddery sigh. Slowly, he felt himself being split open on Sehun’s cock as he slowly pushed inside of him the rest of the way, filling him with his length. It had been a long time since he'd been this stretched, and there was a dull ache in his spine as Sehun bottomed out. 

Quiet reassurances were whispered in the dark room, with Sehun telling him how good he felt and how beautiful he was. Jongin's fingers tightened in Sehun's hair, and he gave the signal for him that he was okay. Everything started off soft and tender, with Sehun rolling his hips in soft circles inside of him. 

Quiet moans filled the room as they rutted together, Jongin arching into Sehun with each thrust. Sehun pressed soft kisses along Jongin's shoulders and to his collarbone, sucking softly as he continued to move inside of him. Jongin's head tilted back, granting him more access. Teeth grazed his skin, sharp and sending a spark of pleasure rushing down his spine. “Harder,” Jongin breathed, fingers tightening in dark locks.

He could feel the smirk against his skin, but Sehun obliged easily, his hands sliding along Jongin’s body until his fingers gripped at the underside of his thighs and ass. His hips pulled back until only the head of his length remained seated inside Jongin, and thrust back inside of him in a sharp snap that caused Jongin to let out a wanton moan. Sehun arched into him, hips snapping harshly every time he pulled back - the sound of his balls slapping Jongin's ass resounding through the room. 

Jongin's back arched from the bed, pleasure and white-hot desire coursing through him with every thrust that brushed just perfectly inside him. Sehun's arms wound around him, pressing their chests together and he captured Jongin’s mouth in a tender kiss that contrasted with the increasingly frantic thrusting. Jongin's tongue swept over Sehun’s mouth, his hands roving down from his hair to along his sweat-slicked skin. On a particularly harsh thrust, his nails dug in, and he knew faint red marks would remain in their wake. Sehun let out a quiet groan at the sensation, the noise spilling into the kiss. 

A faint smile slipped onto Jongin’s lips into the kiss, and his hand slipped between their bodies to begin to stroke himself with Sehun’s thrusts. He didn’t think he could last long with the way every nerve ending was on fire, with the way Sehun fucked him open so deliciously. He felt intoxicated with the scent and feeling of Sehun all around him and inside him, and he let out loud moans and curses as jolts of pleasure cascaded over him, his toes curling and legs tightening in an impossible hold around Sehun’s hips. His head fell back and hit the pillow, his eyes clenched shut as he milked the last of his release with whimpering moans falling out of his mouth.

Sehun swore above him, and he took advantage of the way Jongin’s lips parted in pleasure by licking his way into Jongin’s mouth. As Sehun began to stroke himself, Jongin relinquished his hold on Sehun’s hips by allowing his legs to drop down, and he broke the kiss to reach out for Sehun’s length, slipping the condom off and tossing it into the trash. Sehun groaned as Jongin’s fingers wrapped around him, and he drew him into long kisses that were mostly tongue as Jongin jerked him off the rest of the way.

It was with a deep groan of Jongin’s name that Sehun released, his body stuttering and his jaw clenching as he came over Jongin’s stomach, joining Jongin’s own release there. Silence passed over them in minutes, before Sehun was the first to move and grabbed at his shirt to wipe the mess on Jongin’s stomach with.

“Come here,” Jongin said, voice a little raspy with both all the moaning and that he was becoming increasingly sleepy.

Sehun snorted, and tossed the stained shirt to join their pile of discarded clothing before he joined Jongin, arms wrapping around him protectively. “Better?” he asked, a little teasing.

Jongin smiled, and curled into Sehun, tucking his head under Sehun’s chin. “Much better. You are sure about this, right? About...me?” It was the wrong time, probably, but Jongin couldn’t help the lingering doubts that penetrated his post-orgasmic bliss.

But Sehun didn’t seem to mind, as he pulled back enough to look at his face, his hand coming to brush the damp hair out of his eyes. “I’ve always been sure. Are you?”

There it was again. That fluttery, nervous, butterfly feeling that he’d been trying to dismiss for years. “Yes,” he said simply, but he couldn’t resist the smile that spread across his face.

-

Sehun pressed Jongin against the brick wall of the coffee shop, catching him in a minute before they both had to run to class. They kissed softly, Jongin’s arms winding around Sehun’s neck to pull him closer.

“Oh my god!” came a sudden exclamation behind them, and they both started - turning to see who the outburst had come from. Baekhyun, of course.

“Jesus, don’t scare me like that,” Sehun growled, but it didn’t come out that harshly.

Baekhyun laughed and flailed at Chanyeol wildly as he approached them. “We called it.”

Jongin could feel the warmth coming into his cheeks, and he knew without a doubt that he was blushing. “Shut up,” he grumbled quietly, feeling embarrassed and lame all at once.

“Aw, finally. Everyone’s only been telling you idiots this for years,” Chanyeol reminded them, but his smile was wide enough that one eye squinched up slightly smaller than the other again.

“Fuck off, both of you,” Sehun griped, but there was a hint of amusement - almost pride - that seeped into his voice.

-

Jongin traced the outline of the tattoo with the tip of his finger, his inner wrist tingling with the touch. The morning sun dappled in through the curtains, bathing the bed in a soft warmth. Just as he pushed the blankets off to the side, through the doorway flew in a paper airplane.

He laughed, knowing Sehun couldn’t be very far, but this time he knew to open it. 

_Are you still ready to spend the rest of your life with me? I look at you and I see forever._

The smile still remained on his face as he stepped out of the bedroom. “Always,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around Sehun. 

Sehun tilted his chin up just slightly to press a soft kiss to his lips.

They weren’t ready to get married, not yet. But the paper airplanes inked on both of their wrists were a promise that forever was already happening.

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly: a huge thanks to the mods of this fest for being so accommodating time and again, and for holding such a beautiful fest in the first place. This is amazing.
> 
> This fic is not at all what I wanted it to be, but I started this fic like six times. Prompter: I am so sorry. I loved your prompt so much and I really don't think I did it justice. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it anyway!


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